Byzantine Catholic Family Matters

Fatherhood III

To Be a Father

We have already seen how fathers and mothers by their different natures have different, albeit complementary influences on their children's development. In spite of the widespread absence of many fathers in the lives of their children, it is clear that fathers - or at least significant father figures - are important in children's lives. But what does it take to be a good father? How to books just don't cut it. It’s not about techniques. Nor is it an art. To be a father - well, that's to . . .

Know and love God your Father - when we know our Father's love and recognize our dependence upon Him, we come to appreciate our awesome responsibility of having precious lives entrusted in our care;

Love and care for the mother of your children, your wife - what better way to model promise-keeping, communication, conflict resolution, and what it means to love (and if you are divorced or not married to your children's mother, to respect her and work with her for the good of your children);

Be able to see the world through your children's eyes - be it the terror in your toddler's eyes when he inadvertently turns the volume on the TV way up or the glow in your teenaged daughter's when she is ready to go to the prom with her date. It is discover who each of your children is and learning to speak their language;

Recognize that your presence is infinitely more important than any present you might get your children - is it any wonder that some of the most profound conversations and fondest memories are times together just walking to the ice cream shop after playing together at the playground or after the soccer game;

Provide security and consistency, a "safe harbor" to test the waters of life - it's holding them and letting them cry it out after they fall off their bike and letting them know that it's ok to get back on the bike and try again. It is also providing food and shelter;

Be involved in your children's activities in school, at church and elsewhere in the community - it is telling your children that you are interested and supportive of their activities;

Teach your children about God, what is good and right, and what it means to live a good life - it is helping your children become servants of God. It is about showing them how to become moral and decent citizens.

Know that you'll inevitably make mistakes, you're human - and to gracefully apologize and grow from one's mistakes is an invaluable lesson to teach; and, finally . . .

To be a father is to be a gentleman. John Henry Cardinal Newman described a gentleman, among other things, as a man who "never inflicts pain". . . [Whose] "great concern is to make every one at their ease and at home."

Our society has made it easy, if not fashionable, for men to fail as fathers. To be a father is an awesome responsibility. Done well, it is humbling, and it is healing.