Byzantine Catholic Family Matters

Healthy Family Life II

Some Basics

John Paul II stated that the family is the fundamental cell or unit of society. It is in the family that the child learns the faith, learns how to relate to others, learns how to love, and learns right and wrong. Much study has gone into how children develop. Researchers at the Search Institute in Minneapolis (www.search-institute.org) looked the abundance of studies on child development and have identified forty assets that contribute to healthy child development. The researchers examined a dataset of more than two hundred thousand sixth to twelfth graders and found that the number of developmental assets a child had the less likely he or she would be involved in alcohol, tobacco or other drug use. An earlier study by the same group, employing a much smaller dataset showed how academic performance was positively affected by the number of developmental assets a child had.

Not surprisingly, many of these developmental assets come from the family and begin to paint a picture of healthy family life. The developmental assets that most directly involve family are:

Family Support: There are high levels of love and support in the family. When a family is a community of love, you can see and feel their love. Even when feelings are hurt or there is misunderstanding, everyone is secure in their love for one another.

Positive Family Communication: Parents communicate with their child or teen in a way fosters the ability and willingness of him or her to turn to his or her parents for counsel and advice. Opportunities to talk are everywhere, if you make them. Young persons really need to know that you are interested in what they have on their minds.

Parental Involvement in Schooling: Parents are actively involved in helping and encouraging their child(ren) to succeed in school. No it’s not about doing their homework. It’s about knowing what they are doing, how they are doing, encouraging and assisting them, attending their sporting events and concerts, and those sometimes interminable back to school nights.

Safety: The child feels safe at home. Home is that “safe harbor” where everybody in the family feels safety and comfort, especially in times of crisis.

Family Boundaries: The family has clear rules and consequences, and parents know where their children or teens are. Contrary to what the prevailing culture would have you believe, our young people are not miniature adults. Set appropriate rules, be aware, and, when necessary, enforce the consequences.

Adult Role Models: Simply put, the child or teen finds in his or her parents models of positive, responsible behavior. Father Theodore Hesburgh said that the best thing a father could do for his children was love their mother. Similarly, if you want to be treated with respect and dignity by your children, then model it in your words and actions. And, since no parent is perfect, it is ok to apologize when you have said the wrong thing.

High Expectations: Parents (and teachers) encourage their children or teens to do well. Children and teens will generally be more responsive the more connected they are with their parents (and teachers). Raise the bar, and they will respond. It’s not about world records, it’s about doing and being one’s best.

In the next part we will look at how healthy families need assets obtained from their involvement with the larger community as well as assets our maturing children need to internalize as their own (social skills, values and a strong positive identity).