Byzantine Catholic Family Matters

Healthy Family Life III

Looking to the Larger Community

Continuing with the findings of researchers at the Search Institute in Minneapolis (www.search-institute.org) it becomes apparent that families cannot do it alone. To live a healthy life means involvement with the larger community. Parents and children need to be involved in a community, and the community needs to be involved with the family; and it needs to be involved with the youth in specific ways:

Members of the community foster relationships with young persons: The youth in healthy families generally have supportive relationships with three or more non-parent adults. We are not talking about substitute parents here. Rather we are talking about the teacher who goes the extra mile, the grandparent who makes the young person feel special, and the coach who the young person looks up to.

The community values youth wherein young people can sense that they are valued by the community. If youth are merely tolerated or given the "crumbs" they know it.

The neighborhood and school are caring and also set boundaries. Young people find care and encouragement in their schools and neighborhoods. The school also provides clear rules and consequences. Adults in the neighborhood also assume a role of monitoring the behavior of youth. Parents need to keep tabs on their children’s schools and take seriously the notion that schools make a difference. Interestingly some school districts are returning to a K-8 model where young people can be known, cared for members of the school community. Regarding neighborhoods, the more transient it is, the less likely are neighbors to become involved.

Positive peer influence: Young people have friends who model good, responsible behavior. Help foster the development of friendships with responsible young people. When fostered in the child's early years these positive relationships can last for years.

Youth as resources: Whether it be at home, at school, the neighborhood or the church, youth are afforded the opportunity to participate in useful roles. As I see it, this is part of valuing youth. They have something to offer. While the parish BCY may not be ready to chair the annual parish festival, they can certainly be in charge of something like kids' games.

Service to others: Young persons devote, on average, one or more hours weekly to the community. And, I would add, as role models, parents best serve their children if they do likewise.

And, both inside and outside the home, young people are encouraged to participate in creative activities: This may be music lessons and practice, theater, and the fine arts. The Search Institute researchers say that youth should spend at least three hours weekly in these activities. There is perhaps nothing more passive than watching the TV or listening to a CD. Children and their families need to unleash their creative sides. This includes creating together.

Youth programs: The young person participates in sports, clubs, and community organizations about three hours per week. It is from some of these activities in which youth are given opportunities to assume responsible roles in the community.

Religious community: The young person spends at least one hour weekly in activities in a religious community. This is worship and then some; and this is in addition to family worship at home.

As we look at the roles of the community in contributing to healthy family life and child development, we aren't talking about replacing the parents - though sometimes this seems to be the case. Rather, the larger community fills the role of a supporting cast, helping the family grow and thrive as the fundamental cell of society.