Byzantine Catholic Family Matters

Healthy Family Life IV

Values for Life and a Healthy Identity

Healthy families and the communities in which they live instill values in their young. The Search Institute (www.search-institute.org) identified a number of assets that young people internalize (that is, make their own) in healthy, functional families:

Caring for others: The young person comes to place a high value on caring for and helping others. The ways in which we show our caring are infinite. It is about the ability to empathize with others and respond in a loving way.

Equality and social justice: Poverty, inequality, and hunger are real and the young person has a real desire to make a difference about these issues. Do we discuss these issues with our young people? Abortion, capital punishment, hunger, poverty, religious and racial persecution. Do we make ourselves and our young aware of organizations that are working to make a difference on these and other fronts?

Honesty: The young person is committed to telling the truth, even when a lie seems a whole lot easier. Honesty is also about sincerity. Do we encourage our young people to volunteer at a hospital because of the value of helping those who are sick or because it would look good on a college application?

Integrity: The young person is able to say "This is who I am and what I believe. Therefore I must (or cannot) ..." It is acting on one's convictions and standing up for one's beliefs. In this day of moral relativism, there is a tendency to treat values and convictions as no more than "flavors of the month."

Responsibility: The young accepts and takes personal responsibility for his or her actions. Implicit here is the willingness to accept the consequence of one's actions.

Restraint: The young person understands the importance of avoiding sex, alcohol and drugs and exercise restraint. There are young people who actually do exercise restraint; the danger for parents and the community is to assume they can't or won't and then convey that lowered expectation.

Self-esteem: The young person develops a high self-esteem. It follows from the above values that a high self-esteem does not refer to a "me first" mentality. Having a high self-esteem must include knowing that one has gifts to be offered to others.

Personal Power: The young person has some sense of control over what happens to him or her. It's the understanding that I have some control over whether I pass or fail a class,

Sense of Purpose: The young person has some sense of purpose to his or her life. I know who I am, what I am about and where I am going.

Positive View of the Future: The young person has a positive sense of his or her personal future. This follows from having a sense of purpose in that I not only know where I am going, but I feel confident and good about it.

It is in the family - with the support of the community - that our young learn who they are, that they matter and can make a difference. It is also where our young people learn values. If we want a healthy family and if we want a healthy community, these are the values we need to instill. From time to time we need to reflect on how well we are doing as parents, pastors, coaches, teachers, and neighbors.