Byzantine Catholic Family Matters

Parenting and Culture Through the Lens of Attachment II

When Peer Attachments Prevail

In the first part of this series, we looked at the development of a youth culture over the last half-century, and a rather strong, influential one at that. What this has resulted in is a strengthening of attachments between children/teens (peer attachments) and a weakening of those between parents/other significant adults and children/teens (adult attachments). Children and teens are much more likely to look to one another for guidance and cues as to how to behave than to adults. When this occurs some distressing things happen. A look at some of psychologist Gordon Neufeld’s and physician Gabor Mate’s most salient findings on this subject from their book Hold Onto Your Kids: Why parents need to matter more than peers (Ballantine Books, 2006) is instructive:

The authors’ review of the scientific literature shows that in a peer-oriented culture, youth are more likely to exhibit an exaggerated counterwill or tendency to be oppositional toward parents. In the normal course of development, children and teens exert their counterwill as they move toward more autonomy. Problem is, it is a false autonomy as there is a huge dependence on peers and the youth culture - looking to peers who are likely in no more of a position to provide good modeling or guidance than they.
A dominant youth culture is one that is ephemeral, closed off, and intolerant of those who are different. There is no universal culture, no universal code of conduct that has been received from our ancestors nor any to pass down to our descendents. The street gang is the caricature of the youth culture; its members make up their own rules and woe unto those who are not included in their membership.
So insecure are peer attachments that young people become preoccupied with them. If they are not seeking out peers with whom to attach they struggle to hold onto the one’s they have. One consequence of this is that young people are less likely to form an attachment to a teacher, and their intellectual curiosity is stifled. Education and the ability to learn are hurt. Another consequence is that many young people move into adulthood chronologically never having matured psychologically – many of these folks are the parents of children and teens trying to negotiate the road to adulthood.
Young people whose attachments are primarily peer-oriented are more likely to engage in sexual activity and at an earlier age; participate in violent behaviors; abuse drugs and alcohol; and engage in bullying behavior.

National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA) director Joseph Califano in the May 28, 2007 issue of America magazine discussed a recent study by the CASA entitled Wasting the Best and the Brightest: Substance Abuse at America’s Colleges. The findings of this study, I believe, point to the magnitude of the consequences of a peer-oriented culture. Mr. Califano reports in his recent America magazine article, "Half of all full-time U.S. college students (3.8 million) binge drink, abuse prescription drugs and/or abuse illegal drugs." Add to this the direct consequences of this substance abuse, each year: 1,700 students dead as a result of alcohol poisoning/alcohol-related injuries; 700,000 students assaulted by intoxicated peers; and nearly 100,000 students sexually victimized in alcohol related sexual assaults/rapes.

One thing should be very clear; the existence of a peer-oriented culture does have serious consequences. What is not so clear is that parents, pastors, and educators can do something about the problem. This will be the subject of the final part of this series.