Byzantine Catholic Family Matters

A Reader Responds to "Parents: Fear Not!"

The last Byzantine Catholic Family Matters column in which I discussed parent power, a term coined by Joseph A. Califano, Director of the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse, prompted a response from a reader. The reader, from Pennsylvania wrote that in the community in which she lives teens are "dealing with bi-sexuality, homosexuality, group sex, cutting, violent behavior to self and others, foulest of language, wiccans, atheists, and the list goes on. Some of these children, thanks to DARE, will not drink or smoke or take drugs, but look at what they ARE doing!"

The reader goes on to lament that adults in the community – police, therapists, teachers – seem to take the attitude that as long as a teen is not drinking or drugging and getting good grades, the teen is doing well irregardless of the other behaviors. She concludes by asking:

"...do teachers, therapists, police, etc KNOW this is going on... Why isn't anything being done? How did all this happen… Why don’t the parents know what is going on?"

Dear reader, the problem you cite is very real and the questions you raise are very important. Though drinking and drug abuse by young people is a serious problem, there is official recognition of this as a problem. There is less tolerance for this behavior, perhaps in large part because of the dangerous risks and consequences of driving under the influence.

Not so for sexual promiscuity and experimentation by youth; the most immediate consequences of which are sexually transmitted diseases and pregnancy. These consequences are too often viewed as problems that are personal and readily handled by medical professionals through medication and abortion. In addition, we live in a culture guided by relativism, individualism, and hedonism.

That there is violence and a general lack of civility should be no surprise. Youth see violence, sanctioned and otherwise all around them: abortion, child abuse, domestic abuse, road rage, terrorism, war. Some may cite the decline in crime over the past decade as a positive sign; but we must acknowledge the external social controls that have been put in place. Many schools – especially high schools and colleges – have security guards, some even armed police.

However, if we take a closer look at one of the recommendations made by CASA, the National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (cited in the previous column): monitor and regulate your children’s activities. Channel their energies into pro-social groups. If a teen that is not allowed to see R-rated movies is less likely to smoke, drink or use drugs; then he or she is less likely to normalize any negative, antisocial messages that might be found in the movie.

Parent power includes more than parental monitoring and regulation. Parents can more readily influence their young people through regular family dinners and weekly attendance at religious services. The more parents abrogate their responsibility to guide and shape their children, the more the prevailing culture is likely to shape it for them. Even pro-social groups – the Boy/Girl Scouts, the Byzantine Catholic Youth, the high school Key Club to name three – need to be seen as adjuncts, not substitutes for the family.

Finally, to any parent whose concerns echo that of the reader who took the time to write: your awareness of the problem is half the battle, and, with the grace of God, you can exercise your parent power.