Byzantine Catholic Family Matters

Renewing the Christian Family III

Monastic Life and the Family – Obedience

"Obedience is learning to listen to God and the people with whom we live [that we may discover] what God is asking us to do in life." So said Byzantine Benedictine Hegumen (Abbot) Father Leo Schlosser of Holy Trinity Monastery in Butler, Pennsylvania. Obedience is one of the vows every monk/religious makes. It is through obedience in humility that the monk experiences an ongoing conversion of life or theosis. Father Leo described the call to the monastic life as "a call to live the Christian life to the fullest." He went on to say, "there is a bit of the monk in all of us."

To be obedient, to listen to the voice of God, and to listen to the voices of those with whom we live is in itself rather counter-cultural. If anything typifies the prevailing attitude in western society, it is the idea of self-actualization, introduced in the last century by psychologist Abraham Maslow, whereby you are encouraged to listen to yourself, develop to your fullest potential, and, in essence, be your own master. Do your own thing, you can have it all, and don’t let anyone tell you what to do.

Orthodox Abbess Mother Raphaela wrote, "the basic ascetic discipline of obedience, if rightly understood, is a great safeguard against personal whims becoming one’s private religion" (Living in Christ, SVS Press). That is, obedience that is Christ-centered, allows a person to become like God. In contrast, the absence of Christ-centered obedience turns a person into a god; or, as bad, some thing such as material wealth becomes the object of worship.

Any discussion of obedience in our society will inevitably lead to someone expressing a concern about the potential for a tyrannical leader or authoritarian spouse or parent. The response has to be that a leader, spouse, or parent must be like Christ – a servant. When I first contacted Father Leo by telephone, he told me that he could not talk at the moment as he was cooking for his community of five monks. This hegumen of the monastic community was cooking -- serving his community.

How does this manifest itself in the Christ-centered family? Husband and wife are servant-leaders for one another and for their children. They in turn look to Christ in prayer and the sacraments of his Church. When we take to heart that obedience is listening to God and to those with whom we live, we must do just that: listen – to God in prayer and in His Word, our spouse, our children, our bishop, our pastor, the teachings of the Church. Ask yourself: What does God want from me? From my spouse and me? From my family? To be obedient requires that we ask these questions and listen for the answers. Sometimes the message is not direct or obvious: like the young boy who becomes sullen and defiant toward his father (I need to spend more time with my son); or the wife who has become depressed and has turned to alcohol (I need to re-think my long hours and need for frequent business trip.); or taking the time to hear and think about the simple words, "I love you, Mommy." (My vocation as mother is affirmed.)

Obedience then is essential for the Christian family and even for the larger community. Eric Dean (St. Benedict for the Laity, The Liturgical Press) wrote: "Since [Christ] is among us in all humility, our obedience to Christ is a symbol of the deference we owe to all of our brothers and sisters." In a time when so many feel so entitled, this witness, a real sacrifice of self, is sorely needed. Let it begin in each and every one of our homes!